QUASIMODO VS. KENT. GOOD GUY VS. BAD GUY. DO NOT IGNORE THE "RED FLAGS"!

HANDSOME VS. UGLY.
SMART VS. IDIOT.
BORING VS. INTERESTING.
GOOD GUY VS. BAD GUY.


A couple days ago I saw a guy walking in my direction, he was handsome, sexy, tall, with olive skin, stylish hair, silky skin and perfect body..... He started a conversation trying to find out what I like to do in my free time. I think I mentioned art shows, galleries, exhibits, opera, theatre, sport and etc. You know what my "Perfect-only-first-five-minutes-prince" said?! He said: "Come on, Barbie, lets go party!" He wasn't perfect anymore..... He just ruined it...... Trust me, sense of humor wasn't his quality. Basically starting right from that moment I knew I should just wish him luck. I knew who he is and what he wants, I could picture our short-maximum-two-dates-future together. It WAS A HUGE (BIGGEST RED FLAG EVER) RED FLAG.....
But some of us, and I know a lot of girls who would give him a chance. A chance to ignore them, a chance not to follow through, a chance to play with them and to play them, a chance to cry over him, a chance to waste their time.
Why?! If we know everything from the beginning. We see all red flags, but we do not want to notice, we are closing our eyes and look in a different direction.
We know he is not the one, but some of us want to waste time to find it out. Ohhhh!
WHY!?

We all have priorities. And it might be a job, family, friends and etc.
But when you are not his second, or third, or even fourth choice, why do you keep asking the same question: "why, why, why, why?" if you knew everything from the beginning.
One of my girlfriends met "that-special-handsome-intelligent-established-perfect (ha ha ha) man!
He was late on a first date (of course, not a big deal, it's traffic in LA),
 he didn't reply on her text message for 2 days
and didn't call her back when she asked him to (yeah, people are busy),
he also decided to cancel or postponed a date, because he decided to play golf with his buddies and they went for dinner after and he had to cancel a dinner date (yeah, people have passion for something and they have to spend time with friends),
also he didn't come right away after work when you told him that you are sick, because he had to go to the gym (I understand, health is the most important thing and people must work out),
he never asks how are you or what are you doing (probably, he gives you some space and he is not noisy and annoying),
he prefers to stay at home and order from the Chinese place downstairs and watch TV all evening holding a remote with one hand and hugging you with another.
He doesn't know if you have siblings, where is your family leaves and he always forgets how you like your coffee. He doesn't remember your work schedule and always gets you flowers that give you allergies. He forgets that you hate peanuts and always orders you salad with peanuts and chicken with peanuts. I know I exaggerate but you got my point.
Why are you still trying to fix the relationship? It is no relationships, never was. Why do we like to suffer with a wrong guy just to be with someone?! Why we give a chance to the wrong people?! Why?! WHY!? WHY!??????
And you are still asking why relationship is not working out and you are holding to this man thinking that everything one day will change..... Really?! Are you serious?!
And a nice kind friend is always there for us. A nice guy who is always unnoticed, a nice guy whom we put in our "only friend" list, because he is not handsome (or hot), he is not established (or rich), he doesn't have a glamorous job (he makes his living), but he has a big heart, he knows everything about us, he knows how to make us smile, how to make us happy and we appreciate it, we spend time with him, but he will be always a friend, just a friend, only a friend, because he is a nice guy and apparently right now a comment like "you are a nice guy" is not a compliment at all, it is a destination to "only friend" list.
Why?
What are we looking for?
What do we want?
To cry over some asshole or to give a nice guy a chance to make us actually extremely happy.
Lets look around, lets notice those amazing nice guys...

ARE WE READY TO BE HAPPY!??? CAN WE HANDLE HAPPINESS?!

We all want to be happy.
To wake up with a big smile.
To enjoy live.
And everyone has an own definition of happiness.
But each definition will have at least one similarity - we all need someone.
"Someone".......
a friend...
a companion....
a boyfriend.......
girlfriend......
wife...
husband.......
"someone" who is there for us,
someone we can rely on,
someone we can trust,
someone we enjoy to be with,
someone to talk to,
someone who is interesting,
someone who cares,
someone who loves us,
someone to love,
someone to hang out with,
someone to make love to,
someone to wake up with,
someone to fall asleep with,
someone to travel with,
someone to enjoy live with,
someone to take care of us when we are sick,
someone to give us a glass of water when we are dyeing.....lol.......

SOMEONE!!!!!

And we are looking for that special, unique, compatible SOMEONE.
We hope, we believe, we wait, we look, we dream......
And we create that special someone in our mind.
And that someone is so perfect and special that at some point it is hard to believe that this special someone actually exists.......
and we go through search, failures, selection, wrong choices, pain.....
and we do not give up...... we hope......
and one day that special someone finds us........

I am not imagining, I am not dreaming, it happened to one of my friends.
She found him. Or he found her. Or actually they found each other.
They are perfect in each others eyes.
He is her Mr. Right.
He is dreamy.
He is caring, loving, understanding, open, honest, easy, intellectual, interesting, no games, everything so real, so simple, so easy, so right.
It feels right, it feels perfect.
They are happy.
It is so perfect that it is hard to believe. All her friends are skeptical, like: yeah, how long they have been together, or do they live together, or do they even know each other,
or please, honey, be careful, it is so perfect that it is scary.


That's it.
We all want it, but we do not believe in it. We are skeptical. We are used to to be miserable.
Or we are just comfortable not been happy, because happiness is scary, it brings out our fears.
We are not used to good emotions, we are not used to feeling right.
We are used to drama, we are used to difficulties and games.
Perfectionism is scary.
Happiness is scary.
And we sabotage, we ruin, we kill it.
WE destroy it, and we start our search over.

Is it difficult to be happy?
Or it is difficult to make someone happy?
Or it is difficult to believe that someone loves us just the way we are?????
 Is it hard stop playing games? or is it scary to commit and settle down?

Or .......what is it?!

DO NOT LIVE IN A PAST.......

What is past?! It is history. It is over. It is part of us, it is our teacher, it is our experience....
But it is done.
We passed it,
we had it,
we lived it,
but we choose to move on,
we closed (or we definitely should) this chapter.
Shut this door...door in your past.
Just learn on your mistakes.
Take your lessons to the present and/or future.
That's it.

But what do we do?! We live in a past. We use imagination, creativity, dreams, hopes and we make  our past so appealing and dreamy adding what didn't exist. Why do we forget the worst parts and remember only happy moments that take us back again and again. We can not focus on a present, we go back and torture ourselves with "what if", "what have I done wrong", "may be", "why".
MY girlfriend recently mentioned that she is still into her "ex" (after 8 years of separation), and she can not find anybody relevantly even close to that person, and she never felt anything similar with anyone else..... Why do we do it to ourselves?!
"Ex" that she has in her mind, in her memories simply doesn't exist. He is not the same person what he was 8 years ago, plus all those 8 years she was creating him, she was fixing, coloring, building a perfect man in her mind. She met him after 8 years for dinner, he is bold now, fat and boring. Still not married, no kids, and lonely. She said she loves him, still. Nope, baby, you do not. You love the product of your imagination that you were creating all these years. Nothing left from that person that you were in love with 8 years ago, so move on. Stop comparing, stop looking back, stop feeding your imagination adding to his character qualities that he doesn't have and never did.
We will never love the same or experience the same or feel the same about different people and nothing is wrong with that.
We will love stronger, we will feel more passionate, and it will be different and that's ok.
Stop living in a past. Wake up, open your beautiful eyes, move on and enjoy your "today".
It is no "IFs", no "WHYs", it is because...... ask yourself just what I have learned, how I will use it in my present or future and live your live.

YOU FIND IT WHEN YOU ARE NOT LOOKING......

Have you ever noticed that it is so easy to meet people when we are not waiting, hoping, looking....

We are on the plane looking tired, no make up, our hair is in a ponytail, we are focused doing some work on our laptop, and here he is.......
sitting next to us.......
almost a dream.

We are in the grocery store and our shopping cart filled with toilet paper, tampons, romantic movies, a bottle of wine and ice cream, and here he is.....
almost a dream in the line in front of us.

We are in a laundry room putting our panties in a dryer, in our sweatpants, sweatshirt and messy hair, and..........
here he is....
carrying a basket of his dirties......
almost a dream.....

Have you realized when we are with someone, when we are involved with someone, we meet people all the time, because we are not looking, because we are happy, because we have a different energy and people are attracted to us.
People are attracted to our energy and our happiness.
We look different when we are not looking.
Have you ever heard a comment that "you smell like sex",
yes,
we do smell like sex when we have someone, we smell like sex, because we have sex, because we are happy.
It is like a special spell on us when we are not looking that attracts men, special scent... And when we are looking it is like we have a huge sign on our forehead that pushes men away.

So what should we do?!
Stop looking when we are looking, and start looking when we are not looking?!
I think, we should just stop waiting for a miracle to happen,
it will happen,
it will come,
it will  find us,
or we will accidentally find it.

BREAK UPS............

BREAK UPS............

My girlfriend is going through a break up. God, she is going through hell, honestly. I feel her pain.
Why do we do it to ourselves?
It is only our choice to make it painful or painless. She chose the most difficult way out.
Why? Are we used to pain? Are we enjoying feeling miserable?! She locked herself at home and going through piles of pictures together, videos, their favorite songs, letters, emails.... so she is totally torturing herself covering everything with tears......
I can not stand it and I want to help so badly. But I can not make a choice for her.
Stop it! It is all I can say. He is gone! He left! It is over! If he doesn't appreciate what he has or had, let him go, he is not a right person for you.
Please, stop looking at his pics, remembering those "snuggle days", vacations together,
it is past,
it is memory,
it is over.
Through away all pictures, or save them in a folder you will never find, pack everything in a box and seal it,
and through it,
or put it in a storage,
or do whatever - just not to see it!
Move furniture, dye your hair, go to new places, meet friends that you haven't seen for a while or make new friends, do something different, do not go to yours favorite places where you used to go together, do something new that you have never done together before, or what he never wanted to do.
Life is not over, only one chapter is ended.
Learn your lesson and move on!
It doesn't matter what he thinks, what he does, how he handles it, it is not your problem, not your worries,
he is your past.
Stop going back and rethinking what you did wrong, it just didn't work out.
Life is not over!
And you will love again, and laugh again, and you will be happy!
We all learn on our own mistakes! Move on!
Life is too short, let enjoy every moment of it!

WHAT SHOULD MEN KNOW ABOUT WOMEN?!

I am going to share with you a couple experiences (mine or my friends' experiences, it doesn't really matter, it happened).
1. On a date a guy was talking about himself, talking about himself for hours. And yes, he was encouraged to talk about himself, he was asked questions, tons of questions, and he had a listener, a beautiful woman who sat there and listened, and asked all those questions about him: who he is, what he likes, what he dreams about. She really wanted to know about him as much as possible.
He asked a couple questions, not really listening to her answers.
He was checking her out, looking at her legs, boobs, lips, whatever, but he wasn't listening, because he was too busy talking about himself.

Yeah, talk to man about himself and he will be listening to you for hours, ha ha ha.
It's true.
I feel sometimes like men enjoy hearing themselves talking, may be they love the sound of their voices?!

SO IF YOU WANT TO GET A GUY: TALK TO HIM ABOUT HIMSELF AND HE WILL BE LISTENING TO YOU FOR HOURS,
AND HE WILL LIKE YOU,
HE WILL LIKE HIMSELF EVEN MORE SHARING WITH YOU HOW WONDERFUL HE IS.

AND IF YOU WANT TO GET A WOMAN, PLEASE, GUYS, ASK US, TALK TO US, WONDER ABOUT US, BE CURIOUS ABOUT WHO WE ARE, WHAT WE LIKE, WHAT MAKES US HAPPY IF YOU WANT TO SEE US AGAIN, IF YOU WANT SOMETHING MORE THAN ONE EVENING, IF YOU WANT A RELATIONSHIP.

Please, correct me if I am wrong. I want to hear your opinion, your thoughts, your ideas, your point of view.
Share it!!!!!

ARE MEN CHANGEABLE?

I always thought that women are able to change men. Because we are so powerful and so smart. We are strong! We can manipulate, we know how to get what we want. We can be so creative in getting desired. We can save the world, so we can change the world. So we can change men. Ha! Time goes by and it strikes us: men are not changeable, people are not changeable. May be we can accept, adjust, but not to change.

DO NOT STOP BELIEVING...................

We should believe. We must believe.
Otherwise,
what is the point?!
We should not settle for less, because if it happens we will always wonder "what if.....".
And I did meet those "perfect guys",
guys, who do not play games,
who actually cares,
who wants to know who you are and what makes you happy,
who will do anything for you,
who can love,
who understands,
who adores you,
who makes you smile,
who makes you happy.

There were not my "perfect guys", but it's not the point.
They do exist.

DO not give up on yourself,
do not give up on relationship,
and please do not give up on happiness,
because you deserve it.

GAMES WE PLAY.....

We all play games...... men do it, women do it.
Why?
To be interesting?
To play "hard to get"?
To make it more exciting at least in the beginning?!
Because everyone plays?!

But, women, imagine relationship with no games: he calls right away when he gets your number, he asks you out the same day, and he wants to see you again and again, and again, flowers, you are not doubting if he likes you, you know he is crazy about you, weekends together, he sleeps over, you are getting the keys from his house, it is moving, it is going, it is flying, no fights, no arguments, nothing to tell your girlfriends, no crazy stories, no tears, sex is amazing, he is perfect, he is happy with your postcards, loves your cooking, adores you, spoils you....
what happens next?!
ha ha - we wake up,
lol,
welcome to the REAL WORLD,
it is doesn't exist.

It's our fantasies,
our dreams,
our sick imagination.

And IF even something similar does exist, we will find 1000 reasons to make ourselves miserable, or worried, or not satisfied, so wake up and live your life!!!!!!!

A KNIGHT ON A WHITE HORSE IS NOT COMING!

Sorry to break it to you, but the fairy tales do not come true!
So, stop expecting a handsome, strong, sexy knight who suppose to knock on your door and save you!
He is not coming!
Not on a black horse, not on a white horse.
You know why?!
BECAUSE SIMPLY HE DOESN'T EXIST.
We should stop waiting and live our live.
We were raised listening to the magic fairy tales with happy ending, with princes, and kings, and where dreams come true.
Growing older we watched movies with intelligent, smart, interesting, strong men who fall in love, who can care, love and make women happy.
We were and we are listening to the love songs hoping, dreaming, imagining.......
believing in love,
in magical relationship.

Does anyone actually have anything like this?
something at least similar?!