Saturday, April 9, 2011


He loves me.
It is easy to love me.
I am not perfect, but what is not to love about me.
I am all about him. I love him because of him.
It is what we do.
We love them,
we love them because of them,
not because of us.
And they love us not because of us, but because of them.
We make them feel good,
we make them feel great,
we encourage them,
we inspire them,
we give ourselves,
we pleasure them,
we care about them,
we take care about them,
we just care too much about them,
their dreams,
their hopes,
their ideas,
their interests,
their careers,
 their needs,
their wants,
their desires,
their friends,
their games,
their lives,
their believes.
I want him to be happy,
I want him to be comfortable,
I want him to achieve his dreams,
I want him to succeed,
I want him to feel loved,
I want him to feel at home,
I want him to be the best,
I want him to be satisfied.
Him, him. him, all about him.
That's why he loves me.
Is it hard to love me?!
I feel sometimes it is all about them and they love the way we make them feel, they love the way they are loved, they love the way they are with us.
What about us?!
What do you know about me?!
About my dreams,
about my needs, a
bout my life,
about my wants,
about my hopes,
about my believes?!

Can you love me because of me not because of how I make you feel?!

They love ourselves with us.
Can they love us because of us?!


You like him!



If it is a "but",
you have to stop and think about it.
I know you have been looking for so long and you want to find him, finally,
and you are tired of looking,
you are sick of dating,
and you are about to give up on relationship,

do not settle for less.

Do not settle for him if he is not what you are looking for.
Just think if he can give you what you want.
He might be cute and hot and etc.
Butask yourself:
Can he give you what you want?!
And if he can not,
why bother?!
Why waste your time again?!
Why settle for less?!
You won't be happy.
You like him, so what?!
You will like again,
you will, you did before, you will do it again.
Do not settle just because you like him, or just because you are tired of looking, or just because you are getting old.
You deserve to be happy.
You deserve to find someone who will appreciate you and love you.
You deserve to love and to be loved and to find someone who will care about your dreams and about your wants, and how to make you happy.


Men are hunters.
It is in their blood.
They love to chase,
they love to hunt,
they love to win.

It is their nature.
They need excitement,
they need fight,
they need war,
they need to prove their power,
they need to show their skills,
they want the best pray,
they want to brag about it,
they want to be the best.

Braver men go for a pray that gives them a challenge,
that make them to think,
to use their skills,
to be better,
more experienced.

Hunting means games. Hunting means skills. Hunting means no rest. Hunting means a war. Hunting means someone looses. Hunting means to play.

Do you want to be his easy pray?! Do you want to be a challenge?!

Endless games...
Endless hunt?!


Girls! We create them.
To fall in love takes a man we like plus his basic info plus our imagination, and we are in love.
We are falling in love with our own creation.
And we fall out of love as soon as we realize that the man we are with not a man we are in love with.
Does it make sense?!
Think about it.
We love words,
we love with our ears,
they love with their eyes.
We take their words (they are so talkative sometimes, it is like they read the same books in school),
we add our dreams
and here we go - it is a perfect man we were looking for,
we are falling for our own creation.

We should stop it.
I understand we want to love, we are ready to love, we have so many saved feelings that are fulfilling us and ready to explode, but do not give it to a guy who doesn't deserve it.
I mean I know we have been looking for so long for this perfect guy, but is he the one, is he really this guy you were looking for or he is your own desired wanted creation.
Are you really in love with him?!
Just think about it.


Why can't we honestly, openly, sincerely admit to each other how we feel?
Why can't we tell each other what we want?
Why can't we picture our future together?!
Why can't we let our guard down?!
Why can't we let all our fears go?!
Why can't we just feel for each other?!
Why can't we break our walls together that separate us?!
Why can't we be with each other on a different, not discovered before level?!
Together, me and you........
And we do not know what gonna happen.......
No one knows......
But it is so nice to feel and not to be scared,
it is so wonderful to put your guard down and let it be.....
and enjoy,
and dream,
and open up,
and let love in,
not to hold anything,
and let everything go........

Tomorrow might never come.........

So lets feel today,
lets dream today,
lets love today,
lets open up our hearts,
lets not be scared to say what we feel,
what we want,
what we dream about.

I want you.................

Do you want me as much as I want you?!

Thursday, April 7, 2011


We are meeting people, we are dating, we are jumping into relationships, we are breaking up, we are getting hurt again and again, and as soon as we find someone we are interested in, someone we like, we are ready to jump again. "To jump" to be hurt!? To jump to feel usual pain after!? Less pain!? Stronger pain!? More tears!? Less!? WIll this pain ever stop!? Should we stop jumping!? Should we stop feeling!? Should we lock our hearts!? Should we stop believing!? Should we stop loving!? Should we stop hoping?!

Monday, March 21, 2011


What is Love!?
Is it a paradise or hell?!
Is it peace or war?!

Is it necessary to find it?!

Is it possible to live without it!?

IS it a pleasure or torture!?
Is it joy or sadness!?
Is it happiness or loneliness!?

Does it last!?

Does it ACTUALLY exist!?

Can we find it and never let it go!?
Can we find it and be happy forever!?

Is it breakable!?
Is it possible to fix it if something goes wrong!?

Is it trust or betrayal!?
Is it certainty or doubts!?
Is it calm or crazy!?

Does it hurt!?
Before, after or during!?

Did anybody die from not having it!?

What are we looking for!? I want to know the exact definition.
What color is it!? Shape!? Taste!? Smell!? Can I touch it!?

People say you really love once, and it is a feeling you will never forget, and it will never feel the same, but a real, strong love happens just once.
Do you believe in it!?

People say if you find the one, you will know it right away.
Do you believe in it!?

May be it is easier to be unhappy or lonely because we are used to it!?

 What if you find your love and it drives you crazy, you loose your sleep, everything turns upside down and this wave of undiscovered, strong, powerful, amazing feeling just possesses you, penetrates every part of your body, gets under your skin, crawls into your mind.

And you are getting scared, you never felt like this before.
It is so amazing so its terrifying.
It is so new, so great, so unbelievable, so you can not stop thinking about how not to fuck this up. Because you are so fucking good at destroying, at breaking, at hurting, at lying, at being independent, at being alone, at not feeling, at letting it go.....

And you are in pain, in pain because you do not want to loose what you have been searching for all your life.....

So please explain to me what is love and how to handle it!?

Can you not be scared!?
Can you try to be calm and not to destroy it, not to smash it, not to ruin it, not to throw it away!?
Not to fuck it up!?
And the more you think about it the craziest things come to your mind.....
It is so easy to f...k great things up......

Monday, March 14, 2011


Have you ever asked yourself this question?! If yes, then this article is for you........ and for me.
If we look around, there are so many beautiful single men and women.

They meet people,
they go on dates,
they get involved,
they have relationships,
they break up.

And women ask themselves questions:
Why didn't it last?
What did I do wrong?
Why can't I find the one?
Why did he let me go so easily?
Why we didn't make it work?!
Why am I single again?!
What is wrong with me?!

I can tell you right now

 I will explain my answer. 

Lets start from a first date.
He is charming and smart,
he is totally handsome and, no doubts, he is your type.
You are flirting, talking, having a great time.
You are happy and a thought: oh my god, may be he is the one is already in your head.
You are ready to jump, even remembering prior experiences of the "fast jumps and broken heart" you are not afraid to take a leap one more time.
Not blaming you.
You spend together 4-5 hours on a first date talking, been so interested in each other,
having all those connections mentioned in books.
You say goodbyes, you exchange a couple of sweet messages about how wonderful was the evening, you feel good and happy,
he is not going to call you,
he is not going to see you again,
it is not going to be a second date.

And the first question that pops up in woman's head is:
- Answer: nothing!
You did great!
You did not play games!
You were yourself!
 And you were brilliant,
you looked amazing!

He just got scared,
he could not handle all those qualities in one.

Have you ever heard men talking about women,
they mention always just one quality,
like : she is hot!
or she is so smart!

And women can handle all qualities:
I met a guy and he was charming,
such a gentleman,
well educated,
and blah, blah, blah, blah.

Yes, we can,
they can not!
They can't!
You are too much for him, too complicated, too advanced.......

Do not worry about him!
He wouldn't be able to appreciate all your great qualities any way,
he is not for you.
And while you are thinking what was wrong with you,
a thought like this would never appear in man's head,
men would have never ever think: what was wrong with them,
it is always us,

Look even on break ups.
When a woman is breaking up in most cases she would say: honey, it is not you, it is me, it is my fault. And if a man is breaking up, he would say: It is your fault, you dress too vulgar, you do not understand me, you flirt with strangers, you do not give me space, you do not trust me, you nag me, you ........... and etc.

Also, ladies, if it is not working out with them, may be it is not a right person.
Just think about it next time when you are about to blame yourself and ask this question........
because nothing is wrong with you!!!!!!!

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

RANDOM THOUGHTS............. ON A RAINY DAY.......

We can defriend (unfriend) people, what if we could unfuck people or even better - unlove people.
Imagine "unlove" people..... So we can erase some pain from our memories......

I saw an ad online: speed dating on sale - pay only $17. It means you have a chance to meet "your Mr. Right" on sale. What a beautiful story to tell your kids. LOL! I met your dad on sale for $17.00 during the speed dating. But if you think about the idea - sometimes 5 minutes it is all you need to understand if you want this person or not.

People come to our lives for a minute or 10, for a day or two, for a year or forever........ And sometimes impact that "5 minute person or one day person does is much more powerful than a person who is in your live for 10 years.

It is so easy to talk to strangers...... On a plane, on a train, online........ You are not scared to be judged, or blamed, or hated, or loved..... You are who you are. You are pure and innocent sometimes and so open telling your life story - no lies, just a naked truth (or a total lie)...... And it is so easy to say everything that you could not say before......... We are opening up our hearts and showing our souls to someone we have never met before and will never meet again. And after that we go back living a lie, hiding the truth, scared to be hurt, scared to love and be loved, avoiding pain, not letting people in our hearts and souls until next stranger comes into our live for a moment.

We are looking "for the one".... We do not know what he looks like, what he likes, what makes him the way he is, what is he dreaming about, what he likes for breakfast, we do not know the smell of his skin, size of his shoes, color of his hair, what kind of books he reads, what kind of music he listens, but we are looking for him, we are dating, we are having relationships, we get close to people, intimate with people, hoping and looking, selecting, dreaming, going through life, comparing, getting hurt and hurting others in the order to find just one person, our person. It takes one person to be happy, it takes one person to stop this search.......

Without loving ourselves, we can not love others, we can not give love.....

What if you are my "the one" and i am not yours.............

What if I am "yours" "the One", and you are not mine.......

I want to show you the "worst" of me at first, and if you can handle it, I will show you "my best"....

Monday, February 28, 2011


We are looking for our soulmate,
for our second half,
for "our" person,
"our guy",
"our man"......

We are all someone's half.
And one man and one woman make a couple,
but is it a "perfect match"?!

It is like a basket of apple's halves,
and if you take two halves they make an apple,
but it is two different halves,
the apple won't be perfect,
looks like a whole apple,
looks almost perfect,
but it doesn't match,
it is not two halves of the same apple.

And we are looking for this perfect match...
Two perfect halves.

And we would love to be honest, and open, and jump into the relationship and love, and enjoy, and experience, and live happily ever after when we meet that special person,
but since we were hurt and did mistakes and wrong choices so many times,
we are trying to protect our hearts by been distant, been discreet, been private, playing it safe, protecting ourselves.
And because of these walls it is not going anywhere,
we are not building anything,
we are destroying it with our own hands.
It is like you are planting a flower, but not adding any water, and you want this flower to survive, and you are unconsciously  not putting any efforts, because you are scared, because you do not want to be hurt again.

We are just playing it cool. We just pretend like we do not care, and we are looking for an easy way out, still dreaming about a soulmate, letting the fortune or a chance or life to figure it out itself.

We are getting involved with people, and we are trying so hard not to get involved,
we are going through dates trying to get through to our person.

We are becoming intimate encounters with some people,
we belong to them in that special moment of intimacy, putting away our souls, locking up our hearts, and just using our bodies, shutting off our minds, with the idea not to feel, not to love, not to belong, not to get attached.

We are scared to love, we are scared to open up and share our thoughts, our fears, our love.
People are selfish.
People lie that do not need each other.
People use people.
And in the vocabulary we see new phrases like "intimate encounters", "friends with benefits", "fling", "booty call", "one-night stand", "no strings attached", "open relationship", "drunk dial", "fwb" and etc.

We do not want to love or we are scared to love?!

What are we saving?! Souls? Hearts? 

Aren't we losing ourselves or pieces of ourselves, giving away every time piece by piece to people that come to our life and easily leave forever?!

Saturday, February 26, 2011

LETS GIVE.......

We totally do not appreciate things when we have it,
and we realize the value of it when we are loosing it or when we lost it even worse.

We shouldn't do it with love or friendship.

It is cruel.

Why are we getting upset or angry at each other?!

Why do we get annoyed with each other?!

Why do we compete?!

Why do we get jealous?!

Why do we hate?

Why do we scream?

Why do we fight?

Relationships, marriages.....

Passion disappears,
sex disappears,
love becomes something else....


Why do we take someone who was so special, so desirable, so wanted for granted?!

Why do we become selfish and we take and take, and take, and we want, want, want....

What happens with giving!? What?!

A "good bad guy" VS. a "bad good guy" ...

Another paradox, when we are ready for marriage,
and some of the women are always ready, lol, sorry,
many of us still falling for a wrong type of guys.

"Good" and "bad" guys?!

Most of us want a "good bad guy", not a "bad good guy" - 
there is a difference, 
I bet, men will never get it.


Sometimes I do not get them.

Sometimes we are looking for a bad guy, 
unconsciously of course, 
and we are falling for him (it is so easy to fall for a bad guy), 
wasting our time, 
wasting time of our friends crying on their shoulders when he hurts us, 
betrays us, 
and leaves. 

And we knew everything from the beginning. 

And it is all our fault. 

So many women actually into bad guys, and they are still surprised after many years why it is not working out with them. 

We do not learn lessons from own mistakes.

Sometimes we do not actually even notice nice guys, 
guys are all around and ready to make us happy. 
We do not like nice guys, VERY OFTEN,
it is boring, 
it is routine, 
it is no passion, 
it is plain, 
it is calm, 
it is gray, 
it is dull, 
it is no rainbows, 
no excitement. 


Bad guys!!!!!! 

Yeah, it is exciting!!! 


Bad guys attract trouble, 
they spice up our life...... 

yes, spice up our lives with drama, 
with tears, 
with games, 
with betrayal. 

And that is our fault. 

We knew it before getting involved. 

Do not say no, we did. 

But we picked a bad guy. Hoping that he will be a "good bad guy".

We picked adventure, a short adventure hoping to change our live, to spice it up. 

And when this short relationship is over, 
we are complaining how and where to meet a nice guy, 
a guy who cares, an honest, sweet, kind, open, 
nice guy. 

They do exist, you know. 

We just do not bet on them, we ignore them ("nice guys"), we are still hoping that we are such a special kind and we can change a bad guy into a "good bad guy", we can make them fall for us so ....... hard, that he will become....ohhhhhh... almost a nice guy - a "good bad guy" it is a transition between "a good bad guy" and "a nice guy".

God, women are so complicated.

 So, my dearest ladies, look around, do not waste your time, and go for a nice guy.
Forget about changing people, people do not change.
Forget about drama, you honestly do not need it.

Just forget about "bad guys", and "bad good guys", and even about "good bad guys".

Good luck!

the PERFECT MAN.....

We do get attracted to men who are:

gentleman and asshole at the right places and at the right time, 
college and street smart at the same time,
great lovers,
best friends,

am I forgetting anything in "the perfect guy description"?!

smell good,
can cook,
great shape,
take care of kids,
love our family,
family oriented,
can be sweet,
crazy about us,
can discover the world to us,
know more,
and etc.

I just have started this list.

You know why this men never get married, because they simply do not exist. 
We are looking, wasting our time, making a "check list", 
not been real,
not thinking what can we offer to "our perfect guy"?!
to our dreamy sweetheart?!
to our Mr. Right?!

can we offer a list of the great qualities?!

No one is perfect.

Are you perfect?!

I am not.


I guess unconsciously we all use this types to characterize people.

It is probably nice to be in a "marriage material"category, when you are ready to get married.

Or may be it is just nice to be in this category all the time, because it means you are a good girl, right?!
Whatever it means...... lol
I do not know, I am pretty sure everyone has an own opinion.

When I was younger, I heard a lot that I am a "marriage material", and it sounded as a verdict to me,  you feel like something is wrong with you, and it sounds so boring, and no fun.

When we are super young, innocent, inexperienced, pure, shy, good girls - we are a "marriage material", and when we are getting older, wiser, stronger, social, open, straight forward, experienced - we are moving to a "to have fun with" type.

And a "marriage material" and "to play with" categories are over rated, because whatever works for you might not work for me. 

And there is a right person for everyone, we just have to keep our eyes open, we have to be ready when we are ready, lol.......


People are everywhere.
People see people everyday.
People deal with people every day.
People depend on people.
People can not live without people.
People need people.

And people can not meet people.

 It is hard to meet people.

We need each other, but we pretend we do not.
People lie about needing and wanting other people.
And may be we need each other for different reasons,
but we do need each other.

We want to be strong, brave, different, superior, we get attitudes, we get bossy voices, some of us pretend to be who we are not, some of us act like we are happy on our own by ourselves and we do not need anyone.

 Why do we lie to each other,
or why do we lie to ourselves?!

We all can be nice or nicer,
we all can be loving and understanding,
and think beautifully,
and act politely,
and dream not selfishly,
and be happier,
and smile more,
and not to get angry,

and we will make the world a better place for each other.

What do you think?!

Tuesday, February 15, 2011


When people ask me how do I like LA, I always say one day I hate it and one day I love it.
It is so easy to love it,
yes: ocean,
ocean views,
Pacific Coast Highway,
great hikes,
Beverly Hills,
Rodeo Drive,
healthy lifestyle,
beautiful people,
movie industry,

and it is so easy to hate it:
pretentious places and people,
every waiter is an actor,
and every waitress is an actress or a model,
every single person at the coffee shop is a director or producer,
over rated parties,
over rated guest lists,
red carpet
everyone wants to be discovered,
everyone feels so special,
everyone has the same dream,
everyone feels lucky,
empty souls.............

I feel like no one works in LA.
No matter what time you go for coffee/lunch/drink/dinner,
there are always people,

do not you people work?!

Everyone complains about LA, but no one leaves.

Many people have temporary jobs and big dreams.

No one takes LA seriously, but everyone is so important in their own eyes here.

LA changes us, LA makes us to adjust local life style, local rules, local fashion, local dreams, ideas.

LA is so powerful, in a couple of years living here we do not notice how we are becoming a part of LA,
LA breaks us,
LA makes us,
LA overpowers us.

Each LA area has a different attitude, different life style.

Go to Hollywood,
hot and sweaty, gay people,
trashy areas,
nice areas,
party people,
dog walkers,
dog's fashion,
Sunset strip,
dress code,
fancy places where people want to be seen,
Ferraris parked right in front of the place to show - yes, bitches, it is what i have gotten, suck it.....
people sit and eat at the walkways,
just to be seen,
 showing off.....
who really cares?!
 tell me who?!
They do.
Because they spend 50 bucks on lunch and they want the world to know.

Go to Venice,
 lay back,
down to earth,
easy going,
happy hour low key places,
horrible food,
shorts and bikinis,
tanned, crazy people,
loud music in by passing cars,
no parking on weekends,
trashy outfits,
beach lifestyle.

LA didn't pick you, you picked LA.
And you better stay strong and do not loose yourself,
do not get trapped,
and if you are weak - just run, run away........
to save yourself and your soul.

I feel like some people becoming soulless in LA. It is like a devil making some kind of deal with them.



Thursday, February 3, 2011

BREAK UP RULES..... Apples and cherries....

I think it is should be a book..... yes, yes, a book of "proper break ups", so no one gets hurt.
Don't you hate break ups?!
My girlfriend's boyfriend broke up with her over the email, she was devastated, won't you be?!
I mean after been with a person for about a year do you think it is fair?!
Break up phone call.... break up email, break up letter.....
no break up at all?! ha ha ha.
Why do people get together, like each other, get into the relationships at all?!
What is the point if break up is unavoidable.....
Everything ends.......
It is a circle, rule of life....
It starts, develops, ends.
There are so many choices.
I mean who wants to eat apples all life, if there are cherries, and pineapples, and oranges, and peaches, and raspberries, and blueberries........
you are getting the point, right?!
 Who wants to go on vacations just to Bora Bora, every year, just Bora Bora,
you are excited first time,
may be second one,
but after that you want something different.
The same with people, with relationships.
It is exciting when it is fresh, when it is new.
And after that it is a circle, we add routine, we add fights, we add arguments, misunderstanding, mismatching, raised voices, tears, slammed doors, nights without sleep, disappointment, and it is over, ruined, finished, ended.
It has to be an agreement couples have to sign before to get into the relationship,
like a marriage agreement before the wedding.
Couples have to agree on how they are going to break up.
Like "no break up emails", or "no cheating before breaking up", or "no screaming, crying, fighting". Or "break ups only on Mondays and Thursdays from 10 am until 2pm", or "no break ups when I am hungry", or "no break ups when I am pms-ing".......
What do you think?!