WHAT IS LOVE.......

What is Love!?
Is it a paradise or hell?!
Is it peace or war?!

Is it necessary to find it?!

Is it possible to live without it!?

IS it a pleasure or torture!?
Is it joy or sadness!?
Is it happiness or loneliness!?

Does it last!?

Does it ACTUALLY exist!?

Can we find it and never let it go!?
Can we find it and be happy forever!?

Is it breakable!?
Is it possible to fix it if something goes wrong!?

Is it trust or betrayal!?
Is it certainty or doubts!?
Is it calm or crazy!?

Does it hurt!?
Before, after or during!?

Did anybody die from not having it!?

What are we looking for!? I want to know the exact definition.
What color is it!? Shape!? Taste!? Smell!? Can I touch it!?

People say you really love once, and it is a feeling you will never forget, and it will never feel the same, but a real, strong love happens just once.
Do you believe in it!?

People say if you find the one, you will know it right away.
Do you believe in it!?

May be it is easier to be unhappy or lonely because we are used to it!?

 What if you find your love and it drives you crazy, you loose your sleep, everything turns upside down and this wave of undiscovered, strong, powerful, amazing feeling just possesses you, penetrates every part of your body, gets under your skin, crawls into your mind.

And you are getting scared, you never felt like this before.
It is so amazing so its terrifying.
It is so new, so great, so unbelievable, so you can not stop thinking about how not to fuck this up. Because you are so fucking good at destroying, at breaking, at hurting, at lying, at being independent, at being alone, at not feeling, at letting it go.....

And you are in pain, in pain because you do not want to loose what you have been searching for all your life.....

So please explain to me what is love and how to handle it!?

Can you not be scared!?
Can you try to be calm and not to destroy it, not to smash it, not to ruin it, not to throw it away!?
Not to fuck it up!?
And the more you think about it the craziest things come to your mind.....
It is so easy to f...k great things up......

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!

Have you ever asked yourself this question?! If yes, then this article is for you........ and for me.
If we look around, there are so many beautiful single men and women.

They meet people,
they go on dates,
they get involved,
they have relationships,
they break up.

And women ask themselves questions:
Why didn't it last?
What did I do wrong?
Why can't I find the one?
Why did he let me go so easily?
Why we didn't make it work?!
Why am I single again?!
What is wrong with me?!

I can tell you right now
                                                                         NOTHING

ABSOLUTELY NOTHING 

IS WRONG WITH YOU.

 I will explain my answer. 

Lets start from a first date.
He is charming and smart,
he is totally handsome and, no doubts, he is your type.
You are flirting, talking, having a great time.
You are happy and a thought: oh my god, may be he is the one is already in your head.
You are ready to jump, even remembering prior experiences of the "fast jumps and broken heart" you are not afraid to take a leap one more time.
Not blaming you.
You spend together 4-5 hours on a first date talking, been so interested in each other,
having all those connections mentioned in books.
You say goodbyes, you exchange a couple of sweet messages about how wonderful was the evening, you feel good and happy,
BUT
he is not going to call you,
he is not going to see you again,
it is not going to be a second date.

And the first question that pops up in woman's head is:
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!
WHAT DID I DO WRONG?
WHAT DID I SAY WRONG?!
- Answer: nothing!
You did great!
You did not play games!
You were yourself!
 And you were brilliant,
smart,
intelligent,
witty,
funny,
sexy,
hot,
beautiful,
unique,
mysterious,
gorgeous,
kind,
caring,
interesting,
you looked amazing!

He just got scared,
he could not handle all those qualities in one.

Have you ever heard men talking about women,
they mention always just one quality,
yes,
like : she is hot!
or she is so smart!

And women can handle all qualities:
I met a guy and he was charming,
interesting,
sexy,
handsome,
adorable,
such a gentleman,
kind,
sexy,
well educated,
and blah, blah, blah, blah.

Yes, we can,
they can not!
They can't!
You are too much for him, too complicated, too advanced.......

Do not worry about him!
He wouldn't be able to appreciate all your great qualities any way,
he is not for you.
And while you are thinking what was wrong with you,
a thought like this would never appear in man's head,
men would have never ever think: what was wrong with them,
it is always us,
women.

Look even on break ups.
When a woman is breaking up in most cases she would say: honey, it is not you, it is me, it is my fault. And if a man is breaking up, he would say: It is your fault, you dress too vulgar, you do not understand me, you flirt with strangers, you do not give me space, you do not trust me, you nag me, you ........... and etc.

Also, ladies, if it is not working out with them, may be it is not a right person.
Just think about it next time when you are about to blame yourself and ask this question........
because nothing is wrong with you!!!!!!!

RANDOM THOUGHTS............. ON A RAINY DAY.......

We can defriend (unfriend) people, what if we could unfuck people or even better - unlove people.
Imagine "unlove" people..... So we can erase some pain from our memories......

I saw an ad online: speed dating on sale - pay only $17. It means you have a chance to meet "your Mr. Right" on sale. What a beautiful story to tell your kids. LOL! I met your dad on sale for $17.00 during the speed dating. But if you think about the idea - sometimes 5 minutes it is all you need to understand if you want this person or not.

People come to our lives for a minute or 10, for a day or two, for a year or forever........ And sometimes impact that "5 minute person or one day person does is much more powerful than a person who is in your live for 10 years.

It is so easy to talk to strangers...... On a plane, on a train, online........ You are not scared to be judged, or blamed, or hated, or loved..... You are who you are. You are pure and innocent sometimes and so open telling your life story - no lies, just a naked truth (or a total lie)...... And it is so easy to say everything that you could not say before......... We are opening up our hearts and showing our souls to someone we have never met before and will never meet again. And after that we go back living a lie, hiding the truth, scared to be hurt, scared to love and be loved, avoiding pain, not letting people in our hearts and souls until next stranger comes into our live for a moment.

We are looking "for the one".... We do not know what he looks like, what he likes, what makes him the way he is, what is he dreaming about, what he likes for breakfast, we do not know the smell of his skin, size of his shoes, color of his hair, what kind of books he reads, what kind of music he listens, but we are looking for him, we are dating, we are having relationships, we get close to people, intimate with people, hoping and looking, selecting, dreaming, going through life, comparing, getting hurt and hurting others in the order to find just one person, our person. It takes one person to be happy, it takes one person to stop this search.......

Without loving ourselves, we can not love others, we can not give love.....

What if you are my "the one" and i am not yours.............

What if I am "yours" "the One", and you are not mine.......

I want to show you the "worst" of me at first, and if you can handle it, I will show you "my best"....

INTIMATE ENCOUNTERS..... FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS......

We are looking for our soulmate,
for our second half,
for "our" person,
"our guy",
"our man"......

We are all someone's half.
And one man and one woman make a couple,
but is it a "perfect match"?!

It is like a basket of apple's halves,
and if you take two halves they make an apple,
but it is two different halves,
the apple won't be perfect,
looks like a whole apple,
looks almost perfect,
but it doesn't match,
it is not two halves of the same apple.

And we are looking for this perfect match...
Two perfect halves.

And we would love to be honest, and open, and jump into the relationship and love, and enjoy, and experience, and live happily ever after when we meet that special person,
but since we were hurt and did mistakes and wrong choices so many times,
we are trying to protect our hearts by been distant, been discreet, been private, playing it safe, protecting ourselves.
And because of these walls it is not going anywhere,
we are not building anything,
we are destroying it with our own hands.
It is like you are planting a flower, but not adding any water, and you want this flower to survive, and you are unconsciously  not putting any efforts, because you are scared, because you do not want to be hurt again.

We are just playing it cool. We just pretend like we do not care, and we are looking for an easy way out, still dreaming about a soulmate, letting the fortune or a chance or life to figure it out itself.

We are getting involved with people, and we are trying so hard not to get involved,
we are going through dates trying to get through to our person.

We are becoming intimate encounters with some people,
we belong to them in that special moment of intimacy, putting away our souls, locking up our hearts, and just using our bodies, shutting off our minds, with the idea not to feel, not to love, not to belong, not to get attached.

We are scared to love, we are scared to open up and share our thoughts, our fears, our love.
People are selfish.
People lie that do not need each other.
People use people.
And in the vocabulary we see new phrases like "intimate encounters", "friends with benefits", "fling", "booty call", "one-night stand", "no strings attached", "open relationship", "drunk dial", "fwb" and etc.


We do not want to love or we are scared to love?!


What are we saving?! Souls? Hearts? 


Aren't we losing ourselves or pieces of ourselves, giving away every time piece by piece to people that come to our life and easily leave forever?!

LETS GIVE.......

We totally do not appreciate things when we have it,
and we realize the value of it when we are loosing it or when we lost it even worse.

We shouldn't do it with love or friendship.

It is cruel.

Why are we getting upset or angry at each other?!

Why do we get annoyed with each other?!

Why do we compete?!

Why do we get jealous?!

Why do we hate?

Why do we scream?

Why do we fight?




Relationships, marriages.....

Passion disappears,
sex disappears,
love becomes something else....

Why!?

Why do we take someone who was so special, so desirable, so wanted for granted?!

Why do we become selfish and we take and take, and take, and we want, want, want....

What happens with giving!? What?!

A "good bad guy" VS. a "bad good guy" ...

Another paradox, when we are ready for marriage,

and some of the women are always ready, lol, sorry,

many of us still falling for a wrong type of guys.

"Good" and "bad" guys?!

Most of us want a "good bad guy", not a "bad good guy" - 

yes,

there is a difference, 

LOL,

I bet, men will never get it.

Women!!!!!!

Sometimes I do not get them.

Sometimes we are looking for a bad guy, 

unconsciously of course, 

and we are falling for him (it is so easy to fall for a bad guy), 

wasting our time, 

wasting time of our friends crying on their shoulders when he hurts us, 

betrays us, 

and leaves. 

And we knew everything from the beginning. 

And it is all our fault. 

So many women actually into bad guys, and they are still surprised after many years why it is not working out with them. 

We do not learn lessons from own mistakes.

Sometimes we do not actually even notice nice guys, 

guys are all around and ready to make us happy. 

We do not like nice guys, VERY OFTEN,

it is boring, 

it is routine, 

it is no passion, 

it is plain, 

it is calm, 

it is gray, 

it is dull, 

it is no rainbows, 

no excitement. 

Oh!!!!!!!!

VS.

Bad guys!!!!!! 

Yeah, it is exciting!!! 

Wooohoooo! 

Bad guys attract trouble, 

fun, 

craziness, 

surprises, 

danger, 

party, 

people, 

they spice up our life...... 

yes, spice up our lives with drama, 

with tears, 

with games, 

with betrayal. 

And that is our fault. 

We knew it before getting involved. 

Do not say no, we did. 

But we picked a bad guy. Hoping that he will be a "good bad guy".

We picked adventure, a short adventure hoping to change our live, to spice it up. 

And when this short relationship is over, 

we are complaining how and where to meet a nice guy, 

a guy who cares, an honest, sweet, kind, open, 

nice guy. 

They do exist, you know. 

We just do not bet on them, we ignore them ("nice guys"), we are still hoping that we are such a special kind and we can change a bad guy into a "good bad guy", we can make them fall for us so ....... hard, that he will become....ohhhhhh... almost a nice guy - a "good bad guy" it is a transition between "a good bad guy" and "a nice guy".

God, women are so complicated.

 So, my dearest ladies, look around, do not waste your time, and go for a nice guy.

Forget about changing people, people do not change.

Forget about drama, you honestly do not need it.

Just forget about "bad guys", and "bad good guys", and even about "good bad guys".

Good luck!

the PERFECT MAN.....

We do get attracted to men who are:

independent,

stable,

secure,

strong,

brave,

handsome,

tall,

sexy,

achievers,

successful, 

gentleman and asshole at the right places and at the right time, 

adventurous,

generous, 

college and street smart at the same time,

great lovers,

best friends,

am I forgetting anything in "the perfect guy description"?!

smell good,

can cook,

organized,

clean,

stylish,

great shape,

take care of kids,

love our family,

family oriented,

loyal,

faithful,

dependable,

can be sweet,

caring,

understanding,

crazy about us,

intelligent,

passionate,

can discover the world to us,

know more,

protective,

supportive,

and etc.

I just have started this list.

You know why this men never get married, because they simply do not exist. 

We are looking, wasting our time, making a "check list", 

not been real,

not thinking what can we offer to "our perfect guy"?!

to our dreamy sweetheart?!

to our Mr. Right?!

can we offer a list of the great qualities?!

No one is perfect.

Are you perfect?!

I am not.

"MARRIAGE MATERIAL" TYPE AND "TO HAVE FUN WITH" TYPE.

I guess unconsciously we all use this types to characterize people.

It is probably nice to be in a "marriage material"category, when you are ready to get married.

Or may be it is just nice to be in this category all the time, because it means you are a good girl, right?!
Whatever it means...... lol
I do not know, I am pretty sure everyone has an own opinion.

When I was younger, I heard a lot that I am a "marriage material", and it sounded as a verdict to me,  you feel like something is wrong with you, and it sounds so boring, and no fun.

When we are super young, innocent, inexperienced, pure, shy, good girls - we are a "marriage material", and when we are getting older, wiser, stronger, social, open, straight forward, experienced - we are moving to a "to have fun with" type.

And a "marriage material" and "to play with" categories are over rated, because whatever works for you might not work for me. 

And there is a right person for everyone, we just have to keep our eyes open, we have to be ready when we are ready, lol.......

WE NEED EACH OTHER....

People are everywhere.
People see people everyday.
People deal with people every day.
People depend on people.
People can not live without people.
People need people.

And people can not meet people.

 It is hard to meet people.

We need each other, but we pretend we do not.
People lie about needing and wanting other people.
And may be we need each other for different reasons,
but we do need each other.

We want to be strong, brave, different, superior, we get attitudes, we get bossy voices, some of us pretend to be who we are not, some of us act like we are happy on our own by ourselves and we do not need anyone.

 Why do we lie to each other,
or why do we lie to ourselves?!

We all can be nice or nicer,
we all can be loving and understanding,
and think beautifully,
and act politely,
and dream not selfishly,
and be happier,
and smile more,
and not to get angry,

and we will make the world a better place for each other.

What do you think?!

I HATE AND LOVE LA.

When people ask me how do I like LA, I always say one day I hate it and one day I love it.

It is so easy to love it,

yes: ocean,

ocean views,

beach,

Pacific Coast Highway,

Hollywood,

weather,

great hikes,

Beverly Hills,

Rodeo Drive,

healthy lifestyle,

beautiful people,

movie industry,

and it is so easy to hate it:

pretentious places and people,

every waiter is an actor,

and every waitress is an actress or a model,

every single person at the coffee shop is a director or producer,

 traffic,

roommates,

over rated parties,

over rated guest lists,

red carpet events...lol...

everyone wants to be discovered,

everyone feels so special,

everyone has the same dream,

everyone feels lucky,

empty souls.............

I feel like no one works in LA.

No matter what time you go for coffee/lunch/drink/dinner,

there are always people,

do not you people work?!

Everyone complains about LA, but no one leaves.

Many people have temporary jobs and big dreams.

No one takes LA seriously, but everyone is so important in their own eyes here.

LA changes us, LA makes us to adjust local life style, local rules, local fashion, local dreams, ideas.

LA is so powerful, in a couple of years living here we do not notice how we are becoming a part of LA,

LA breaks us,

LA makes us,

LA overpowers us.

Each LA area has a different attitude, different life style.

Go to Hollywood,

hot and sweaty, gay people,

trashy areas,

nice areas,

party people,

dog walkers,

dog's fashion,

Sunset strip,

attitude,

dress code,

fancy places where people want to be seen,

Ferraris parked right in front of the place to show - yes, bitches, it is what i have gotten, suck it.....

people sit and eat at the walkways,

just to be seen,

 showing off.....

who really cares?!

 tell me who?!

They do.

Because they spend 50 bucks on lunch and they want the world to know.

Go to Venice,

 lay back,

down to earth,

easy going,

surfers,

artists,

skaters,

happy hour low key places,

horrible food,

shorts and bikinis,

tanned, crazy people,

loud music in by passing cars,

no parking on weekends,

trashy outfits,

beach lifestyle.

LA didn't pick you, you picked LA.

And you better stay strong and do not loose yourself,

do not get trapped,

and if you are weak - just run, run away........

to save yourself and your soul.

I feel like some people becoming soulless in LA. It is like a devil making some kind of deal with them.

I HATE LA AND I LOVE LA.

WHAT ABOUT YOU?

BREAK UP RULES..... Apples and cherries....

I think it is should be a book..... yes, yes, a book of "proper break ups", so no one gets hurt.
Don't you hate break ups?!
My girlfriend's boyfriend broke up with her over the email, she was devastated, won't you be?!
I mean after been with a person for about a year do you think it is fair?!
Break up phone call.... break up email, break up letter.....
hmmmmmm.......
no break up at all?! ha ha ha.
Why do people get together, like each other, get into the relationships at all?!
What is the point if break up is unavoidable.....
Everything ends.......
It is a circle, rule of life....
It starts, develops, ends.
There are so many choices.
I mean who wants to eat apples all life, if there are cherries, and pineapples, and oranges, and peaches, and raspberries, and blueberries........
you are getting the point, right?!
 Who wants to go on vacations just to Bora Bora, every year, just Bora Bora,
nope,
boring,
routine,
you are excited first time,
may be second one,
but after that you want something different.
The same with people, with relationships.
It is exciting when it is fresh, when it is new.
And after that it is a circle, we add routine, we add fights, we add arguments, misunderstanding, mismatching, raised voices, tears, slammed doors, nights without sleep, disappointment, and it is over, ruined, finished, ended.
It has to be an agreement couples have to sign before to get into the relationship,
like a marriage agreement before the wedding.
Couples have to agree on how they are going to break up.
Like "no break up emails", or "no cheating before breaking up", or "no screaming, crying, fighting". Or "break ups only on Mondays and Thursdays from 10 am until 2pm", or "no break ups when I am hungry", or "no break ups when I am pms-ing".......
What do you think?!

"THE LOOK"............

DO YOU KNOW "THE LOOK" I AM TALKING ABOUT?! You know....... the look...... when a stranger looks in your eyes and you stop breathing, you are getting butterflies in your stomach, you are ready to change everything in your life, you are ready to follow him, you are ready to scream, to love, to get married, to have kids with HIM, with this stranger, because you have shared a special moment, a very intimate moment, moment that you have been thinking doesn't exist, romantic movie's kind of moment. I am pretty sure men have no idea what moment I am talking about.
Actually, I am scared of "that look", of that moment. Because what if you are married, and you meet HIM, and you are ready to give up everything for a person you do not even know, or what if you are married with kids...... yes...... life..... decisions, decisions.........
I had this moment on a plane, with a total stranger who was sitting a couple rows in front of me. I didn't expect it, just when our eyes met, I had all the symptoms. I almost stopped breathing, I couldn't stop looking at him, looking at each other you share life stories, your hopes and fears.....everything, it is more intimate than having sex, honestly, it is. You feel like this person gets you, accepts you, knows who you are, the way you are, you feel like this person cares. God, how crazy it is. And I am sure everyone who never had this moment would think that I am crazy. It is real!!!! It is!!!!!
What happened with "my stranger" you would ask...... yeah.... I blew it..... Yes, we kept looking at each other all flight, but we never spoke to each other, we shared a few glances, and that's it. We smiled to each other at the airport picking up our luggage and that's it. Were we too scared? Or we just didn't want to believe in purity of what was happening?! May be he was married (no ring though).........
The point of it is do what you feel like doing, follow your heart, you do not want to end up worrying what might have happened, you do not want to wonder "what if". Do not be afraid of rejection or changes, or something new. Life is too short.

Not matter how fucked up I am, someone out there is looking exactly for me........

Men or women, rich or poor, old or young, happy or unhappy, yesterday or today..... all of us want the same thing: to be loved, to love, to find a right person, to be happy, to be together, not to be alone, not to feel lonely, to grow old with this person together, to be friends, partners, lovers, family and etc. Yeah, that is simple.
All I want is to be happy, yes, just happy. Why is it so hard sometimes just simply to be happy and to make someone happy, because no matter how crazy or weird, or strange, or different, of fucked up I am, I can make someone happy, I am a right person for someone, I am "the one" for someone and that someone out there is looking for me, just for me, because I am desperately looking or desperately waiting for him to find me.

CHOICES WE MAKE VS. DREAMS WE HAVE

Wasn't it it easy growing up with our parents decisions....
What we were wearing, eating, where we were going, with whom we were making friends...........
life almost free of choices, because our parents knew what was the best for us.
They still do know what is the best for us, but..................
we are old enough... ha ha ha..... to make our own choices and/or to ruin our own life if we want to..........
no one to blame for our choices...........
may be that's why sometimes we need an advice, so someone will be eventually responsible for our failures...... or disappointments....... or pain..........

Since this blog is about relationships, I would like to talk about our soulmate-lover-husband-boyfriend choices.

1st decision:
 Is he a right guy?
Should I date him?
Should I give him a chance?
Should I waste my time?
Is he a boy-friend material?
Does he have a potential to become my future husband?

I heard if "he is the one, this question won't pop up",
 really?!
People say: "if he is the one, you just automatically know it".
Well, that's a relieve.
We can scratch off the list a necessity making this choice.
We  won't have to take a sheet of paper and divide the list in two colons with "pluses" and "minuses" signs.
How many of us have ever done it?
My friends did. I have done it.

How much pressure on us to make this vital decision to commit.
"Commitment" - why is it so many letters.........
probably it is a very important word,
I feel like it is a heavy word,
stressful word.
Just lets think about it....
it means he is the one person for the rest of your life or for a pretty long period of time, even if you are going to break up in a month (but you are not planning on it, it is just life and everything might happen),
it is still a decision, it is a choice.

2nd decision:
What if after you are done with your "pluses" and "minuses" list, you are still confused and lost, and frustrated, and need help, and you have so many unanswered questions...
But there is no one to help, really, no one, because it is your life.

What if HE is everything (or almost everything you have ever dreamed of - sounds unreal already),
he is handsome, smart, funny, caring, understanding, loyal, loving, tender, no games, real, sweet, sexy, experienced, knows how to please you, knows how to love you, knows how to touch you, knows how to make you smile, knows how to make you happy,
BUT........
yeah, it is always a "but" or "the" but,
he is a simple, humble, regular guy, no fancy cars, no house on the beach, no fat accounts, no financial security,
BUT
he is crazy about you............

Guys, do not blame us for wanting and looking for, how would you say - "a rich guy" or "a rich husband", it is not about that.....
We are looking for security,
we are looking for headache free life,
money give freedom,
protection,
life free of financial bullshit,
with money we will look better for you,
with money we will cook better meals for you,
with money we can enjoy each other more not dealing with bills disaster,
we can spend more time with our kids,
 to have more time to take care of you,
to make your life easier.

It is not about marrying reach, it is an idea of security, idea of beautiful headache free relationships, idea of avoiding routine, idea of not struggling and surviving, idea of a better future for kids.
A man with money is a secure man, established man, confident man, smart man, usually intelligent man (or I want to think so), man with passion, hobbies, ideas, style (hopefully).

And we were raised believing that we need a nice dress and nice shoes, and a fancy ride, and a driver, and we have to look great to go to the ball, and meet a prince.
Imagine if we wouldn't have nice shoes, how prince would be embarrassed to go around his kingdom looking for us with an ugly cheap not designer's shoe.
And we were raised to believe that a prince will always fall in love with a poor girl and it will be "happily ever after", or he will look for a frog to kiss and she will turn out to be a beauty, ohhhhhhhhhh, our favorite fairy tales, what have it done to us?!

So, money VS. no money?

Rich-super busy-no time for you at all-but-secure life-with-a-guy-who will never be yours VS. simple-humble life-with-a-totally-almost-perfect-guy-who-will-love-you-forever?!

Decisions....... decisions........... dreams......... dreams..........................

QUASIMODO VS. KENT. GOOD GUY VS. BAD GUY. DO NOT IGNORE THE "RED FLAGS"!

HANDSOME VS. UGLY.
SMART VS. IDIOT.
BORING VS. INTERESTING.
GOOD GUY VS. BAD GUY.


A couple days ago I saw a guy walking in my direction, he was handsome, sexy, tall, with olive skin, stylish hair, silky skin and perfect body..... He started a conversation trying to find out what I like to do in my free time. I think I mentioned art shows, galleries, exhibits, opera, theatre, sport and etc. You know what my "Perfect-only-first-five-minutes-prince" said?! He said: "Come on, Barbie, lets go party!" He wasn't perfect anymore..... He just ruined it...... Trust me, sense of humor wasn't his quality. Basically starting right from that moment I knew I should just wish him luck. I knew who he is and what he wants, I could picture our short-maximum-two-dates-future together. It WAS A HUGE (BIGGEST RED FLAG EVER) RED FLAG.....
But some of us, and I know a lot of girls who would give him a chance. A chance to ignore them, a chance not to follow through, a chance to play with them and to play them, a chance to cry over him, a chance to waste their time.
Why?! If we know everything from the beginning. We see all red flags, but we do not want to notice, we are closing our eyes and look in a different direction.
We know he is not the one, but some of us want to waste time to find it out. Ohhhh!
WHY!?

We all have priorities. And it might be a job, family, friends and etc.
But when you are not his second, or third, or even fourth choice, why do you keep asking the same question: "why, why, why, why?" if you knew everything from the beginning.
One of my girlfriends met "that-special-handsome-intelligent-established-perfect (ha ha ha) man!
He was late on a first date (of course, not a big deal, it's traffic in LA),
 he didn't reply on her text message for 2 days
and didn't call her back when she asked him to (yeah, people are busy),
he also decided to cancel or postponed a date, because he decided to play golf with his buddies and they went for dinner after and he had to cancel a dinner date (yeah, people have passion for something and they have to spend time with friends),
also he didn't come right away after work when you told him that you are sick, because he had to go to the gym (I understand, health is the most important thing and people must work out),
he never asks how are you or what are you doing (probably, he gives you some space and he is not noisy and annoying),
he prefers to stay at home and order from the Chinese place downstairs and watch TV all evening holding a remote with one hand and hugging you with another.
He doesn't know if you have siblings, where is your family leaves and he always forgets how you like your coffee. He doesn't remember your work schedule and always gets you flowers that give you allergies. He forgets that you hate peanuts and always orders you salad with peanuts and chicken with peanuts. I know I exaggerate but you got my point.
Why are you still trying to fix the relationship? It is no relationships, never was. Why do we like to suffer with a wrong guy just to be with someone?! Why we give a chance to the wrong people?! Why?! WHY!? WHY!??????
And you are still asking why relationship is not working out and you are holding to this man thinking that everything one day will change..... Really?! Are you serious?!
And a nice kind friend is always there for us. A nice guy who is always unnoticed, a nice guy whom we put in our "only friend" list, because he is not handsome (or hot), he is not established (or rich), he doesn't have a glamorous job (he makes his living), but he has a big heart, he knows everything about us, he knows how to make us smile, how to make us happy and we appreciate it, we spend time with him, but he will be always a friend, just a friend, only a friend, because he is a nice guy and apparently right now a comment like "you are a nice guy" is not a compliment at all, it is a destination to "only friend" list.
Why?
What are we looking for?
What do we want?
To cry over some asshole or to give a nice guy a chance to make us actually extremely happy.
Lets look around, lets notice those amazing nice guys...

ARE WE READY TO BE HAPPY!??? CAN WE HANDLE HAPPINESS?!

We all want to be happy.
To wake up with a big smile.
To enjoy live.
And everyone has an own definition of happiness.
But each definition will have at least one similarity - we all need someone.
"Someone".......
a friend...
a companion....
a boyfriend.......
girlfriend......
wife...
husband.......
"someone" who is there for us,
someone we can rely on,
someone we can trust,
someone we enjoy to be with,
someone to talk to,
someone who is interesting,
someone who cares,
someone who loves us,
someone to love,
someone to hang out with,
someone to make love to,
someone to wake up with,
someone to fall asleep with,
someone to travel with,
someone to enjoy live with,
someone to take care of us when we are sick,
someone to give us a glass of water when we are dyeing.....lol.......

SOMEONE!!!!!

And we are looking for that special, unique, compatible SOMEONE.
We hope, we believe, we wait, we look, we dream......
And we create that special someone in our mind.
And that someone is so perfect and special that at some point it is hard to believe that this special someone actually exists.......
and we go through search, failures, selection, wrong choices, pain.....
and we do not give up...... we hope......
and one day that special someone finds us........

I am not imagining, I am not dreaming, it happened to one of my friends.
She found him. Or he found her. Or actually they found each other.
They are perfect in each others eyes.
He is her Mr. Right.
He is dreamy.
He is caring, loving, understanding, open, honest, easy, intellectual, interesting, no games, everything so real, so simple, so easy, so right.
It feels right, it feels perfect.
They are happy.
It is so perfect that it is hard to believe. All her friends are skeptical, like: yeah, how long they have been together, or do they live together, or do they even know each other,
or please, honey, be careful, it is so perfect that it is scary.


That's it.
We all want it, but we do not believe in it. We are skeptical. We are used to to be miserable.
Or we are just comfortable not been happy, because happiness is scary, it brings out our fears.
We are not used to good emotions, we are not used to feeling right.
We are used to drama, we are used to difficulties and games.
Perfectionism is scary.
Happiness is scary.
And we sabotage, we ruin, we kill it.
WE destroy it, and we start our search over.

Is it difficult to be happy?
Or it is difficult to make someone happy?
Or it is difficult to believe that someone loves us just the way we are?????
 Is it hard stop playing games? or is it scary to commit and settle down?

Or .......what is it?!

DO NOT LIVE IN A PAST.......

What is past?! It is history. It is over. It is part of us, it is our teacher, it is our experience....
But it is done.
We passed it,
we had it,
we lived it,
but we choose to move on,
we closed (or we definitely should) this chapter.
Shut this door...door in your past.
Just learn on your mistakes.
Take your lessons to the present and/or future.
That's it.

But what do we do?! We live in a past. We use imagination, creativity, dreams, hopes and we make  our past so appealing and dreamy adding what didn't exist. Why do we forget the worst parts and remember only happy moments that take us back again and again. We can not focus on a present, we go back and torture ourselves with "what if", "what have I done wrong", "may be", "why".
MY girlfriend recently mentioned that she is still into her "ex" (after 8 years of separation), and she can not find anybody relevantly even close to that person, and she never felt anything similar with anyone else..... Why do we do it to ourselves?!
"Ex" that she has in her mind, in her memories simply doesn't exist. He is not the same person what he was 8 years ago, plus all those 8 years she was creating him, she was fixing, coloring, building a perfect man in her mind. She met him after 8 years for dinner, he is bold now, fat and boring. Still not married, no kids, and lonely. She said she loves him, still. Nope, baby, you do not. You love the product of your imagination that you were creating all these years. Nothing left from that person that you were in love with 8 years ago, so move on. Stop comparing, stop looking back, stop feeding your imagination adding to his character qualities that he doesn't have and never did.
We will never love the same or experience the same or feel the same about different people and nothing is wrong with that.
We will love stronger, we will feel more passionate, and it will be different and that's ok.
Stop living in a past. Wake up, open your beautiful eyes, move on and enjoy your "today".
It is no "IFs", no "WHYs", it is because...... ask yourself just what I have learned, how I will use it in my present or future and live your live.